It's Been Awhile

Well, it's been awhile since I last wrote in this... hmmm, lack of discipline, or desire?  Anyway, I guess initially I started this so that in those times when I didn't have a journal with me but felt the need to write something, I could send an email to this address from my phone, and it would post.  Since my last post, I have gone to Michigan with my wife Chelsea for a week, enjoying the parts farther from cities.  When we returned home, I went to pick up my check from working in Indianapolis, and was informed that my services would only be needed on more of an "on call" basis.  I haven't yet received a call in three weeks.  Interesting.  So, all that being said, I won't have my business phone that sends and receives those fancy email things anymore, rendering my purpose for this blog seemingly moot.  But, perhaps my purpose for this site will adapt, transform, metamorphisize rather than surrender.  Perhaps I'll use it to further enhance and grow my writing ability.  I'm feeling less creative and inspired by the day.  More robotic, I think, is how I feel... like a machine built to perform a task.  I guess that's a feeling that's been growing for some time.  I think the first time I realized its inception was when we were brainstorming at work, my colleagues and I, trying to conceive a plan for rebranding a ministry.  I couldn't, despite my most sincere inward attempt, come up with a good idea, not even a spark on a fuse.  Those around me were coming up with options right and left.  I was able to build on their ideas, fairly well, and implement, in my mind, the execution and fruition of those ideas.  But as for coming up with an idea, a simple creative thought, I found myself inept.  Maybe this is my gifting from the Lord, an analytical mind, made for building on plans, for the execution of orders and the expansion of them.  I just don't know.  I do feel confident in my ability to do the latter.  I do suppose we, mankind, always want what we don't have.  But, can we not grow in the areas that we're not gifted in?  Why not?  I don't see a reason that should stand in the way.  But how do you grow creativity?  I think the seed of it is within me.  It has to be.  My God is a creative god, the Creator.  If I, as creation, am in Him and redeemed by Christ, then He is in me.  God, Creator, creativity... in me.  But where do I start?  In Proverbs 13:20, we are advised to be in the company of the wise, for their wisdom will surely rub off on us, and advised to stand clear of fools for their all-encompassing folly will likely suffer us harm.  Is creativity then something that can "rub off" on us?  Am I more creative when I'm around certain people?  Or is it more like a seed that requires the right nutrients and conditions to grow, the right environment for it to take root and thrive?  Am I more creative in certain settings, in certain environments?  Perhaps it's all of these things.  Maybe the right setting, the right environment, the right people, the right heart, is the answer.  

Father, grow me.  Guide me.  Teach me.  Help me to be more creative.  Lead me down paths of righteousness.  Help my heart to be drawn to You, to be open to You.  Help me to hear You speak.  Help me to see You move.  Help me to feel You breathe.  God, enhance my heart, to be the right heart, motivated by love and devotion to You, to those around me, and not to the vain conceit and pride in my very nature.  Father I love you and I thank you for all that You are, though I don't even know the beginning of You.  Thank You for what You have revealed to me.